Wow. Just, wow.
February 5, 2011, 7:25 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I am a sucker for adoption blogs. I will read just about any blog that anyone in the adoption triad writes. Even if it’s hard for me to read, especially if it’s hard for me to read

One of my favorites is Heart Cries

I was re-reading a bunch of her posts today and was reminded of how much this one spoke to me. You really should read it, but if you don’t have time I’ll just give you a paragraph from the post… it’s so true.

This is adoption.

On the silver lining side, I’m so grateful for the honesty in our relationship. I love that we can talk and write to each other without pretenses and void of insecurities on what the other mother might be thinking.

But then there’s the other side.

The side that reads those words and never wants to adopt again. The side that has seen more reality than I bargained for. This will never go away. Hear me when I say this, I am raising another woman’s child.  Not thinking of her will never be an option. She will always be family; always be present; her emotions always preferred.

I know that most of you can’t understand why I miss C. and that’s ok, I don’t expect you to. Until to you walk this walk, it’s probably impossible for you to really get the complete heartbreak that I felt. I remember very distinctly having a moment of panic shortly after we were matched. I just couldn’t be responsible for the worst day of someones life. It felt like I shouldn’t be able to feel sheer joy and undying love at the expense of a mother who had to say goodbye to her child. I know that she chose adoption for him and I am forever grateful, but I also know that it hurts her, and that hurts me.  

Such a complicated thing.

 It doesn’t change the fact that I love adoption and all the wonderful things it has given me, just that there are more things involved than I ever thought possible. But, I suppose, such is life.


1 Comment so far
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Well said Josie…no one understands this walk you and I have taken unless they’ve taken themselves. Adoption is a beautiful thing as you and I know but I too think of C and wonder if she thinks of us. Part of me doesn’t want her to, because I think how painful that would be for her but if she did I’d hope she’d smile because of the wonderful gift she gave us and what a wonderful person that makes her to do so.
Take care Josie.

Comment by Stephanie

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